Serena is a young woman living with bipolar. She hasn’t been diagnosed and lives in a manic or hypomanic most of the time. This takes you on a journey as she navigates a life of bad decision after bad decision until she winds up in a mental hospital. It catalogs her shame, low self worth and finally acceptance that this is a part of who she is.
I am hoping to publish each chapter as I complete them. I may even go back and change a few things. As this is my work in progress. The title Mainly Manic has been in my head for months. The story is begging to come out. As a person who has bipolar, I am hoping to convey the not so fun nature of a bipolar manic episode. Bipolar is often called the fun one or the better form of bipolar. I have done so much more damage in a manic than I have ever done in a depression.
Jeremiah is holding my hand as we are well, stuck on the Pacific Coast Highway.apparently everyone is looking to get into it out of Malibu. He won’t tell me where we are headed. So I do what every turned on, sexed up, horny young woman who is staring luxuriously at one scrumptious morsel of man does. I reach over cup his face, then kissed his cheek. I kiss his jaw and lower to his neck and kiss again. I take my time, lean in farther and take long inhale. His scent envelopes me. I cradle in the crook of his neck. Realizing my luck that he is wearing a button up Hawaiian style shirt, I kiss at the v his top button. I lick a little and he shudders. Power surges through me and makes me bold. I feel the heady with energy abuzz in my system.
Taking the power further in, I tackle button after button as I flick his skin making my way down. He is halfheartedly trying to get me to stop. Keeping his eyes on the road takes all his focus. A quick nibble and suck as I reach his pants. I look up to see the struggle in his eyes. I just can’t help myself. I haven’t actually done this before. With a glint in my eye and a devious mind, I release the button and smile as the sound of his pants being unzipped. This girl is having a great day, Jeremiah is going commando! I grab his cock. It is hard and waiting to be fully free of his pants.
His cock in hand, I adjust his pants and his pulsing lollipop has come out to play. I again glance up just as Jeremiah glances down. Our eyes lock for a moment, then his focus is back on the road. Then his other little eye looks like it might be crying. Oh my special treat, let me take care of you. I lick the tip of his rod where a bit of precum. I slowly lick up the slit. The salty taste of man adheres to my tongue. I allow my tongue to swirl the head a few times. I hear a growl. Clearly, Jeremiah is onboard for this game. Open further to take in his wide rod. One hand is at the base of his cock. The other has grabbed his balls and lightly tickled their way up his cock.
Jeremiah looked me over with those obsidian eyes. Clearly reading my mind, “I ran into Hannah on my way out.” That explains it. “Did you even sleep last night?” I respond quickly, “Not much. Sleep is overrated.” I won’t tell him I got a whopping zero minutes of sleep. People always think it is weird. It is clear that he still harbors some concern. Not sure how to get him comfortable, I start to fidget as his assessment continues. I can fell his eyes caressing my body head to toe. Then he smiles at me. I take the donut and coffee he still has in his hand. I take a large bite of my donut gazing at his body which rivals my donut in deliciousness.
“So, I was thinking we could spend the day together,” exclaims the all too hot man in front of me grabbing the back of his neck and pulling. His clear uncertainty has me excited. Well he hasn’t been scared away yet. I recline slightly to get a better view to assess him. Jeremiah is leaning on my dresser.
Jeremiah stands reaches his hand out and waits for me to grab it. What am I waiting for? Why do weary? Rena you know you love an adventure. Ready! Set! Go! My eyes meet his and I put my hand on his. The excitement has me near to shaking. I am always ready to go. I sure hope that I won’t be disappointed.
We reach Jeremiahs 1971 AMC Javelin. A color that can i it be called cherry red but AMC was too unoriginal to call it anything but Trans-Am red. I mean reality red or roaming red or yeah anhthungelse. How did a car this sexy end up with such a horrible color moniker. I did always have a thing for bad boys with classic pony cars. I mean if it wasn’t true before it is now. This boy is hot! I nearly trip on my tongue as I take in the boy and the car. This is going to be a brilliant day.
I make it back to the house to Jeremiah but was no longer there. I search him out in the large home, I just can’t find him. I go outside and his car is gone. Into the shower I head. Why would he leave? I had plans for him. Spending the day was my agenda. Now I will spend my weekend alone. I am sure that no one understands a demi-god. I discard my clothes in a pile on the floor as I step into the shower. My body aches and I am feeling emotionally raw as I turn on the water. The hot water strikes my body with the force made to take down a giant then is cascades over my body. The heat overwhelms and I take two steps back until my knees hit the cold tile and drops me to the seat. As soon as I am out of the spray, I miss the punishment it grants me. He left me. He just left me. No one stays for me. Why doesn’t anyone stay? I stand. I reach for my abuse as I walk under the water again. I adjust the head and I fold into the floor as a torrent of tears overtakes me.
The scalding water turns my skin bright red. My mind wonders how the one love of my life could just walk away so quickly. How could he not know that he is my one, my completion? Just like always, the ones I love leave me. Even now Han has left me in my greatest time of need. She should be here. How could she just not come home in this serious time of need? She hates you. She always has. My parents probably pay her to continue on as my friend. I can trust her. She stays around just to watch me. My parents keep her here as there lackey. She doesn’t really care if. I need to put her off my game. This is why she isn’t here. She is trying to make me look bad. She wants me to fail. My parents just want me to come home.
What was that? Is there someone in my room? I slide up the wall. I remain quite and my tears dry up. I leave the shower running. I open the door and quietly step out of the shower. Grabbing a towel I head to the closet in my enormous bathroom. I get to the door and step quickly in. There is definitely someone in my room. “Rena,” the voice below. “Rena? Are you in the shower?” I know the voice. “Jeremiah,” I question. “I went to get us some coffee and breakfast. I thought for sure I would make it back before you missed me,” he stated. His voice calm with no awareness of how sad I was without him. “I just got out of the shower. The noise scared me.” The bathroom door is opened quickly. He gives me a once over. “I really did scare you.”
In a couple quick strides, he makes his way to the shower to turn it off. He turns and heads to me. He grabs me by the back of my neck, bends to me and kisses my head and slowly dries me off. I choose my clothes and Jeremiah and his mystery leads me to my bed, sits me down and hands me a chocolate cream donut and a peppermint mocha. How does he know what I like so much? He brought me all my favorites.
The sun rose and the light invaded. I rose with no sleep. I walked to the closet pulled out my running shoes and workout clothes. I quickly readied myself and wrote Jeremiah a note. This part of town was safe. We lived on the beach. My dad was a tech billionaire. I say we loosely. This was our beach home. My parents only came to visit a couple of times a year. They purchased this home when I got accepted into Pepperdine. I was quickly out the door and down to the beach path. I wasn’t sure just how long I was going to run but it was likely going to be a long one since it was five in the morning.
I loved when I had all this extra energy. I was never quite sure where I got it or how long it would last but I felt alive. It seemed electricity was buzzing right below the surface of my skin. Sometimes I couldn’t help but itch. I began my run with one step in front of the other. My pace quickened and my mind ran at the same pace. I hoped this hard pace would wear out my mind as well as my body. The harder I pushed the louder my thoughts grew. Last week I ran in to Sarah, she smiled but I am sure she hates me. I know that she is out to make Hannah leave me. Why does is Hannah still my friend. I always disappoint her. I left without her again, maybe that is that last step. She is going to leave me my only friends. Finals are next week. I don’t need to study. I am so smart. I am special. I am made for something great. I might be a demi-god. The fact that I don’t have to study and always pass, clearly means that I am smarter than humans and I must be something more. This is why Sarah is trying to tear Hans and I apart. She is jealous. She wishes she was a demi-god. The thoughts went on and on as I ran. Instead of getting more quiet, they grew louder, Why can’t I get my mind to shut up. I just want a little peace. I can’t wait to get back to Jeremiah. I was able to quiet my head with him.
Managing to make it to my place before Jeremiah, I ran and did a quick clean. I grabbed my toys and set them out. Just in case we wanted them. I rushed to the door when it knocked. Jeremiah grinned his full wattage smile. Those lips, that smile had me thinking about how they feel all over me. Those deep chestnut eyes roam my body and his smile turns into a knowing grin. Before I knew what to do, he has grabbed the back of my neck coming in until our foreheads touch. Charged air fills the room. Our breath mingles. His eyes deepen and his face turns serious. Seeking my truth his gaze digs for something more. He licks his lips and exhales, “Serena, I am glad I have you to myself tonight. I hope tonight never ends.” Then the wave of passion was pressed upon me as his lips crashed into mine.
Tonight was all about need. I needed this. I needed this rough and scary. I needed to lose all control. My hands roams up his chiseled body, wrapped around his neck and grabbed his hair. I pulled him colored and harder and our teeth clashed. I bit the lip he lick. His finders entwined in mine and he pulled me back. The heated look focused on me gave chills. God I hoped that tonight never did end. “You will be mine,” Jeremiah growled. His hurried hands explored my body finally cupping my breasts. The shirt was removed quickly by one super horny girl. Yeah that super horny girl was me. I wanted more and more. I was famished but drowning in a sea. Wait….How will I be his? Who am I kidding? Just don’t stop!
Not ready to disappoint, Jeremiah didn’t stop. No he kept going. My body sang as he pinched a nipple or licked my neck. It was like last night was all about an intro class and tonight he decided to skip the advanced course and move straight to expert. I moaned and screamed and pleaded for more. More of what you might ask. Oh you know like everything. He pulled my hair, sucked my pussy, lavished on my breasts and fucked me in just about all my holes. I wanted more of it all. Oh and let’s not forget the toys but moving you on. This lasted until we were exhausted. Then we showered and the energy was back. We continued on. Finally we were stretched out on my king sized bed. My orange striped comforter half on us. Jeremiah’s eyes were drooping and he was off to sleep has I looked out my window at the sun coming up.
I realized I started writing with the intention of writing in third person. I quickly when to the comfort of the first person. Since really at this point this is something that is fun and therapeutic, I think I am going to see if I can rewrite what I have now in the third person and see what voice seems right.
What I do know is that the books I tend to gravitate to are in the third person. The last two books I couldn’t get past the second chapter we in first person. I am not really sure if it was just dry bland story telling or that it is hard for me to read first person. It might have a bit of both.
I also know that first person is easier for me to write in. I like to have a strong main character. I am loving the books that have a variety of characters or two main and we get to see the story unfold for all. This mean you have to write in third person.
So the ramblings of a hobbyist writer. I am finding this undertaking a point of growth and challenge and that I do like.
I have had a hard time writing about my experience in my journal. Writing about myself some how in my mind makes those things real forever. Writing it down makes me deal with biggest sources of shame to the forefront. Once I write it down, I must own it. Truly, I don’t think I want take stock on jet how out of control I was. I do need to sort it all up. So my mind started to weave a story for me. It is a way I can come to terms with aspects of my past in a less abrasive way. So I would think about the main character and I started to dream her. While there are some things in this story that are 100% me. There is a lot of friends and learning more about what it means to be bipolar. Also learning what manic looks like to others. So while I hope one day that a crap ton of people will find this story interesting and read it. I am hoping that writing this book will help me process my past and help me move forward with my life.