Mainly Manic Book Description

Serena is a young woman living with bipolar.  She hasn’t been diagnosed and lives in a manic or hypomanic most of the time.  This takes you on a journey as she navigates a life of bad decision after bad decision until she winds up in a mental hospital.  It catalogs her shame, low self worth and finally acceptance that this is a part of who she is.

I am hoping to publish each chapter as I complete them.  I may even go back and change a few things.  As this is my work in progress.  The title Mainly Manic has been in my head for months.  The story is begging to come out.  As a person who has bipolar, I am hoping to convey the not so fun nature of a bipolar manic episode.  Bipolar  is often called the fun one or the better form of bipolar.  I have done so much more damage in a manic than I have ever done in a depression.



Chapter 1 Third Person Rewrite



Aviana hadn’t even opened her eyes as she languidly started to stretch.  She thought it odd this weight pinning her to the bed.  She lifted one eyelid and then squinted at the vulgar sunshine. Her eyes adjusting to the intrusion, she finally opens her eyes.  Peering back at her was possibly the most stunning set of blue eyes the world had ever known. Deep sapphire blue was at the center and they faded to the soft sky blue on the edges. His face was framed by a strong jaw that was stunning. His sun-bleached hair made him look innocent.  Avi wandered, how was this god-like man allowed to walk with us mere mortals?

The bed adjusted on Avi’s other side. NO no, no, no. Wait. Not again. What are their names? Oh, Avi you don’t know their names, again? Yes again.  Nope not take that guilt trip. A deep baritone warmed her body. “Hey there you sexy thing.” She crooked her neck to look at the man behind her.  There had to be a sexy man attached to that voice.  If he wasn’t that voice may just be wasted.  Please, please, please be another god. When she met a pair of hazel eyes with golden flecks. She slowly perused this new body. Avi was happy with what she saw, black adjacent curly hair flopped into those hazel eyes. He was muscled and tan. He looked like he could be a Greek god.

Avi as about to speak when that velvety sound filled the again. “I am Jeremiah and that sexy beast is Alex.  We didn’t exchange names last night.” She looked at Jeremiah and thought, things could have been worse.  Here she was lying in bed with two of the sexiest god-like creatures on earth. “Hey, my name is Aviana.  Just call me Avi.” Maybe last night wasn’t all bad. No Avi this is always bad. Who does this? She looks between the two men taking up the remainder of the bed. She was certain this might be the best way to start the day.

“So, it was great to meet you, it has been fun.” Last night was flooding into her memory. Well this is awkward. This can’t keep happening. What is the protocol for this? Do I do the walk of shame twice? As she began to move, she felt an arm reach out. She was looking into those hazel eyes and a smooth grin that had his dimples in view. She couldn’t help but smile. Avi’s heart did a little stutter.  Jeremiah framed her face and brought her in for a forceful kiss. He consumed her.  She felt the lips of Alex on the back of her neck. Her head fell back on a moan.  Jeremiah came back in for a kiss.  It was deep, steamy and full of longing.  The question was clear, Are we doing this again? Well Avi, In for a penny in for a pound. She reached for Jeremiah’s neck and down the rabbit hole.




Hannah was waiting at the window again. She was separated from Avi at some point last night. Hannah was worried as she paced in front of the window. She worried about her best friend.  Avi had been with her since they were eight. Avi brought joy and chaos into a room. People either hated or loved my favorite person. Hannah thought about all the times she waited for Avi. It was so hard to love her. Worrying was part of loving her.  People have come and gone from her life, it is hard to stay. Hannah looked down at her phone and realized it was time to reach out and make sure Avi was okay.


Hannah-Where are you? I am getting really worried. It is past 9 and class starts at 10.  I searched the house and you are no where to be found. 


Common Avi. You need to be home.  Hannah continues to pace. Is it possible to worry a hole into hardwood.


Hannah-Avi, I am not humored.  Where are you?  Do I need to contact your dad?  You have 10 mins.


Her worry continued to grow.  One of these days, she is going to get into trouble that we can’t help with.


Avi-On my way Hans. I just had a fantastic time. It was two for the price of one.  I enjoyed the play.  Be home in 10 mins.


Hannah knew that Avi was going to fall once she got home. She always did. It was so easy and so hard to love Avi.  Hannah was sure she had never known a friend to love as fiercely as Avi. Her love was intense, hard to handle and impossible for Hannah to walk away from no matter the amount of crazy that seemed to come with it.




The smell in Aviana’s car was one that you could just call shame.  It was a mix of Jeremiah, Alex, Avi, sex and a slurry of bodily fluids. The feeling was so good until Avi was alone.  She now knew it for what it was another way she was disappointing her friends and family.  Her parents were so happy to have Hannah at the same school.  She knew that they believed that Hannah would help keep her in check. Avi had turned wild at the age of 15. Hannah kept by her side.  She was so good to her.  Avi was certain that Hans was regretting going to the same college.  Hans was always babysitting Avi. She had to stay up late nights and sleep was rare for Avi’s best friend. Avi knew that she was luckier than most in the friend department. Avi hoped that all her antics wouldn’t chase Hans away.  It would kill her.


Avi screeched to a halt, jumped out of the car and streaked into the house. “Hey, Hans, I am here.  Taking a showing and will be out shortly.”


Avi hear a solid, “Yeah, Yeah.” She loved Hannah.


Avi stepped into her shower. Warm water ran down her head and down her long dark hair. She loved the feel of hands rough in her hair. Avi looked back on the night. Her body was sore.  The shame came and went. Right now as her scalp still felt the tingle from this morning, she was overwhelmed by the shame. Avi knew she was a disappointment when the voices in her head got any amount of silence. She shifted her back to the still cold tile. Leaning her head back unable to hold back the tears. She had the shame inducing offending clothes right out of the open shower door. As the water continued to flow she prayed that the shame would finally wash away.  How many times will you let this happen, Avi?  She picked up her head knowing that classes would be starting.  She turned off the water and stepped onto the floor.  Grabbing a pair of jeans and a t-shirt with a quick ponytail in her hair and she was ready to go. Stepping back into her room, she saw Hannah on her bed books on her lap.




Hannah looked up as Avi stepped into the room. “So, do you want to talk about it?” Hannah softly queried.


“You don’t want to be late to class, Hans.” Avi was clearly annoyed Hannah knew that she was fussy because of last night.  Hannah hated seeing her this way.  There were times she felt like Avi’s enabler. Hannah knew Avi was no drug addict at times she did wonder if Avi was a sex addict.


“We have to talk about this, Avi. You know that you are destroying yourself.  I see the tear stains. The shower doesn’t cover that. I love you. I want to help.  Nothing you do will make me leave.  We have been Havi since grade school.” Hannah lifted her pinky finger and Avi accepted.


“Havi for life girl. I am not ready to talk it out yet. It is always so amazing in when it happens. It is new and amazing.  I try new things. I only want more. Then I am alone, and my surroundings are empty, and my head gets full.  Let’s get going. We have art appreciation in less than an hour.”



Chapter 3.5

Jeremiah shivers. I pullback and take in the picture. His penis is a beautiful thing. His thick shaft is a special treat. It is time to fully indulge myself. I greedily take in the tip again then slowly make my way down. Once I have him in my mouth as fully as I can take him in this car, I ya my hand to grip his base. I stroke him at the same pace. Slowly at first. The tempo get more ravenous with each passing. The hand and mouth working in tandem with pleasuring Jeremiah the sole goal. I wrap my tongue around his cock and increase the pressure. I quicken the pace and feel the pulsing that happens right before a man comes. Screaming my name, pulling off the road to regroup, Jeremiah pants and struggles to regain his control.


Being that this is my first try at a book and I am being relatively lax with production, I find that I may have probated better. I know where I am and where I am going and the stops along the way. I however, find myself struggling with the details. Like I randomly picked Malibu and that lead me to Pepperdine and then to beaches close to them. Okay maybe it wasn’t all random, I wanted to be within a long road trip to Vegas, a place with beaches and a college. Anyway, now I am researching things that would have been better done earlier. So mostly, I am saying it might be a good idea to do more outlining and research before you embark. I do live doing things the hard way.

Chapter 3.4

Jeremiah is holding my hand as we are well, stuck on the Pacific Coast Highway.apparently everyone is looking to get into it out of Malibu. He won’t tell me where we are headed. So I do what every turned on, sexed up, horny young woman who is staring luxuriously at one scrumptious morsel of man does. I reach over cup his face, then kissed his cheek. I kiss his jaw and lower to his neck and kiss again. I take my time, lean in farther and take long inhale. His scent envelopes me. I cradle in the crook of his neck. Realizing my luck that he is wearing a button up Hawaiian style shirt, I kiss at the v his top button. I lick a little and he shudders. Power surges through me and makes me bold. I feel the heady with energy abuzz in my system.

Taking the power further in, I tackle button after button as I flick his skin making my way down. He is halfheartedly trying to get me to stop. Keeping his eyes on the road takes all his focus. A quick nibble and suck as I reach his pants. I look up to see the struggle in his eyes. I just can’t help myself. I haven’t actually done this before. With a glint in my eye and a devious mind, I release the button and smile as the sound of his pants being unzipped. This girl is having a great day, Jeremiah is going commando! I grab his cock. It is hard and waiting to be fully free of his pants.

His cock in hand, I adjust his pants and his pulsing lollipop has come out to play. I again glance up just as Jeremiah glances down. Our eyes lock for a moment, then his focus is back on the road. Then his other little eye looks like it might be crying. Oh my special treat, let me take care of you. I lick the tip of his rod where a bit of precum. I slowly lick up the slit. The salty taste of man adheres to my tongue. I allow my tongue to swirl the head a few times. I hear a growl. Clearly, Jeremiah is onboard for this game. Open further to take in his wide rod. One hand is at the base of his cock. The other has grabbed his balls and lightly tickled their way up his cock.

Chapter 3.3

Jeremiah looked me over with those obsidian eyes. Clearly reading my mind, “I ran into Hannah on my way out.” That explains it. “Did you even sleep last night?” I respond quickly, “Not much. Sleep is overrated.”  I won’t tell him I got a whopping zero minutes of sleep. People always think it is weird. It is clear that he still harbors some concern.  Not sure how to get him comfortable, I start to fidget as his assessment continues.  I can fell his eyes caressing my body head to toe.  Then he smiles at me.  I take the donut and coffee he still has in his hand.  I take a large bite of my donut gazing at his body which rivals my donut in deliciousness.

“So, I was thinking we could spend the day together,” exclaims the all too hot man in front of me grabbing the back of his neck and pulling.  His clear uncertainty has me excited. Well he hasn’t been scared away yet. I recline slightly to get a better view to assess him. Jeremiah is leaning on my dresser. 

Jeremiah stands reaches his hand out and waits for me to grab it. What am I waiting for? Why do weary? Rena you know you love an adventure. Ready! Set! Go! My eyes meet his and I put my hand on his. The excitement has me near to shaking. I am always ready to go. I sure hope that I won’t be disappointed.

We reach Jeremiahs 1971 AMC Javelin. A color that can i it be called cherry red but AMC was too unoriginal to call it anything but Trans-Am red. I mean reality red or roaming red or yeah anhthungelse. How did a car this sexy end up with such a horrible color moniker. I did always have a thing for bad boys with classic pony cars. I mean if it wasn’t true before it is now. This boy is hot! I nearly trip on my tongue as I take in the boy and the car. This is going to be a brilliant day.


Chapter 3.2

I make it back to the house to Jeremiah but was no longer there. I search him out in the large home, I just can’t find him.  I go outside and his car is gone.  Into the shower I head.  Why would he leave? I had plans for him. Spending the day was my agenda.  Now I will spend my weekend alone.  I am sure that no one understands a demi-god. I discard my clothes in a pile on the floor as I step into the shower.  My body aches and I am feeling emotionally raw as I turn on the water.  The hot water strikes my body with the force made to take down a giant then is cascades over my body. The heat overwhelms and I take two steps back until my knees hit the cold tile and drops me to the seat.  As soon as I am out of the spray, I miss the punishment it grants me.  He left me.  He just left me.  No one stays for me. Why doesn’t anyone stay? I stand.  I reach for my abuse as I walk under the water again.  I adjust the head and I fold into the floor as a torrent of tears overtakes me.

The scalding water turns my skin bright red. My mind wonders how the one love of my life could just walk away so quickly. How could he not know that he is my one, my completion? Just like always, the ones I love leave me. Even now Han has left me in my greatest time of need. She should be here. How could she just not come home in this serious time of need? She hates you. She always has. My parents probably pay her to continue on as my friend. I can trust her. She stays around just to watch me. My parents keep her here as there lackey. She doesn’t really care if. I need to put her off my game. This is why she isn’t here. She is trying to make me look bad. She wants me to fail. My parents just want me to come home.

What was that? Is there someone in my room? I slide up the wall. I remain quite and my tears dry up. I leave the shower running. I open the door and quietly step out of the shower. Grabbing a towel I head to the closet in my enormous bathroom. I get to the door and step quickly in. There is definitely someone in my room. “Rena,” the voice below. “Rena? Are you in the shower?” I know the voice. “Jeremiah,” I question. “I went to get us some coffee and breakfast. I thought for sure I would make it back before you missed me,” he stated. His voice calm with no awareness of how sad I was without him. “I just got out of the shower. The noise scared me.” The bathroom door is opened quickly. He gives me a once over. “I really did scare you.”

In a couple quick strides, he makes his way to the shower to turn it off. He turns and heads to me. He grabs me by the back of my neck, bends to me and kisses my head and slowly dries me off. I choose my clothes and Jeremiah and his mystery leads me to my bed, sits me down and hands me a chocolate cream donut and a peppermint mocha. How does he know what I like so much? He brought me all my favorites.

Chapter 3.1

The sun rose and the light invaded. I rose with no sleep. I walked to the closet pulled out my running shoes and workout clothes. I quickly readied myself and wrote Jeremiah a note. This part of town was safe. We lived on the beach. My dad was a tech billionaire. I say we loosely. This was our beach home. My parents only came to visit a couple of times a year. They purchased this home when I got accepted into Pepperdine. I was quickly out the door and down to the beach path. I wasn’t sure just how long I was going to run but it was likely going to be a long one since it was five in the morning.

I loved when I had all this extra energy. I was never quite sure where I got it or how long it would last but I felt alive. It seemed electricity was buzzing right below the surface of my skin.  Sometimes I couldn’t help but itch. I began my run with one step in front of the other.  My pace quickened and my mind ran at the same pace. I hoped this hard pace would wear out my mind as well as my body. The harder I pushed the louder my thoughts grewLast week I ran in to Sarah, she smiled but I am sure she hates me.  I know that she is out to make Hannah leave me.  Why does is Hannah still my friend.  I always disappoint her.  I  left without her again, maybe that is that last step.  She is going to leave me my only friends.  Finals are next week. I don’t need to study.  I am so smart.  I am special.  I am made for something great.  I might be a demi-god.  The fact that I don’t have to study and always pass, clearly means that I am smarter than humans and I must be something more.  This is why Sarah is trying to tear Hans and I apart.  She is jealous. She wishes she was a demi-god.  The thoughts went on and on as I ran.  Instead of getting more quiet, they grew louder,  Why can’t I get my mind to shut up.  I just want a little peace. I can’t wait to get back to Jeremiah.  I was able to quiet my head with him.