I can smell the shame on me. Like always I don’t know who the person is in the mirror. Stripped naked of the offending clothes they lay in a pile at my feet. I reach for the door to make sure it is locked. I step into the shower before I let the tears fall. Hoping that the water will wash away last night and the early day. The tile is still cold as I brace my arm against it. I pluck my head against my arm and let the tears stream. How many times? Allowing myself to wallow for only a little.
Pulling on my jeans and hoody for the day, I bolt to the car keys in hand, picking up a granola bar and a soda along the way. The backpack is full and in the car. I have to pick up Hannah and I need to fly if we are going to make it to Econ 200 on time.
Me-Hey, on my way.
Hannah-Where did you go last night?
Hannah-Do I even want to know?
Me-Probably not. We can talk once I pick you up for class.
“Hannah, you gotta hurry. We are gonna be late,” I bellow as she comes running to the car. “Thanks for the ride. My mom’s car gets out of the shop tomorrow.” Making our way to campus in a rush, I tell Hannah all there is to know about the Jeremiah and Alex situation. “Seriously,” she sighs,”how do you have all this energy after hardly any sleep? I’d be a wreck after four hours of sleep.” I am sure this week I have only slept 10 hours and today is Thursday.