Demi Lovato’s Sorry Not Sorry is blaring as we walk in the door. Three blonde princesses are on the counter dancing as the boys worship at their feet. Or more appropriately are staring up the skirts of these girls. I know what they need. A…
Ah, supply side shift and how it changes consumer behavior. If that doesn’t sound fun then the graph that goes with it will have you clawing your eyes. Sitting three rows back and 5 chairs in I try to pay attention. Last night no longer weighs heavy on my heart, it is giving fuel to my mind. In the front row sits Ryan. Black as night tresses fall into his eyes. The beautiful curls have me imagining my hands running through them.
I lick the curve of his tribal tattoo as I slowly make my way back to his mouth. Grabbing his hair I tug it back. Searching his emerald eyes for his permission. I dive to his lips and slowly line the luscious lips with my tongue. His lips part making way as I plunge in for a deep, hard, hurried kiss. His eyes open wide and his arms wrap around me pulling me in.
Pushing him on his back, my legs cross over him. I straddle him on the floor. Removing his grey t-shirt to gain better access to his muscled body, I rub my hands across his rippling chest. I lower myself into his neck and I smell his scent. His tanned body is calling me like a siren. So I slowly look down his chest. I reach for his belt and unfasten the clasp.
“Serena, where did you go?” Hannah implores. “Class is over, get your stuff.” I shake my head to get the vision out of my head. “I was dreaming of Ryan over there,” I state as my haze starts lifting. “Oh my god, Rena! He has a girlfriend. Also weren’t you getting yourself into enough trouble last night?” Hannah contends. I am not really sure what her point is. I mean we were all adults. Plus who cares if they have girlfriends. Smugly I state, “his girlfriend can join us. She is hot too.” The disgusted look on Hannah tells me all I need to know.
“All right, so what are we up to tonight?” I ask. “Wow, just, wow, Rena. Aren’t you tired after last night? I can’t imagine you are ready for more tonight'” she shakes her head in disbelief. ” tonight is almost Friday, Hans. Or as you like to call it, Thursday. I have energy to spare. I can’t sleep. I neeeeed to get out. Come on, Hans! You know it will be fun,” pressing for a yes to a night of fun. “Fine, Rena! No ditching me this time. We go together and leave together. There is a party down fraternity row. We can check it out.” Hannah gives me the I am not joking if I get left again, I might actually kill you look. I have totally seen that look. Sad to say it comes out often. I am so lucky she is my best friend. My only friend really.
I can smell the shame on me. Like always I don’t know who the person is in the mirror. Stripped naked of the offending clothes they lay in a pile at my feet. I reach for the door to make sure it is locked. I step into the shower before I let the tears fall. Hoping that the water will wash away last night and the early day. The tile is still cold as I brace my arm against it. I pluck my head against my arm and let the tears stream. How many times? Allowing myself to wallow for only a little.
Pulling on my jeans and hoody for the day, I bolt to the car keys in hand, picking up a granola bar and a soda along the way. The backpack is full and in the car. I have to pick up Hannah and I need to fly if we are going to make it to Econ 200 on time.
Me-Hey, on my way.
Hannah-Where did you go last night?
Hannah-Do I even want to know?
Me-Probably not. We can talk once I pick you up for class.
“Hannah, you gotta hurry. We are gonna be late,” I bellow as she comes running to the car. “Thanks for the ride. My mom’s car gets out of the shop tomorrow.” Making our way to campus in a rush, I tell Hannah all there is to know about the Jeremiah and Alex situation. “Seriously,” she sighs,”how do you have all this energy after hardly any sleep? I’d be a wreck after four hours of sleep.” I am sure this week I have only slept 10 hours and today is Thursday.
Slowly stirring Serena opens each eye in a leisurely fashion. While stretching her arms, she notices a weight draped across her. As the memories from the night before surge through her mind. A voice breaks through the noise clambering through her head. “Hey there sexy lady, ” the velvety baritone voice mutters.
Crap. Crap. Crap. What is his name? Did I even get it? I can’t even blame alcohol this time. How did I manage to do this again? Yes again! Don’t judge me!
Now I realize as boy one moves, there is someone else in this bed. Oh great this is two names I don’t recall. Finally able to speak, “I know this is going to sound bad. What are your names?” I wince as I wait for the answer. The nearly blonde man with the fierce blue eyes that are studying me. Certain that he isn’t sure what to make of me. Who does this? A little unnerved by his focus, I turn my head to look at player number two.
As I languidly peruse the second naked male body in the bed, sexy man number one starts to speak. “Soooooo,” he begins, “I am Alex and he is Jeremiah.” Delicious! Maybe last night so bad wasn’t so bad. No no, Serena! It is always and I mean always bad to wake up with two naked men you don’t know. I didn’t remember their names. I glance back over the man with black adjacent deep brown hair. The curls fall against his forehead. His eyes pop open and I see a beautiful hazel with gold flecks.
Jeremiah smiles and his deep dimples breakthrough. I notice the flutter in my heart as I focus on his strong face. I turn back to Alex, “So nice to meet you both again.” Well this is awkward! I have got to stop this. So what is the protocol for this? Do I do the walk of shame twice? Whatever this is I am going with it.
Just as I am about to stumble of the bed with my feet wrapped in the sheets, strong arms wrap around me. Graceful. I am pulled back in by the tall man that was sitting next to me by the name of Alex. I wind up facing Jeremiah and getting spooned by Alex who is now nibbling my neck. Chills are running down my spine. Jeremiah has pulled in for a deep and steamy kiss and this will be round four. That memory of mine has finally come back. In for a penny in for a pound. Truly if there have already been three rounds, does four really make a difference?
Serena is a young woman living with bipolar. She hasn’t been diagnosed and lives in a manic or hypomanic most of the time. This takes you on a journey as she navigates a life of bad decision after bad decision until she winds up in a mental hospital. It catalogs her shame, low self worth and finally acceptance that this is a part of who she is.
I am hoping to publish each chapter as I complete them. I may even go back and change a few things. As this is my work in progress. The title Mainly Manic has been in my head for months. The story is begging to come out. As a person who has bipolar, I am hoping to convey the not so fun nature of a bipolar manic episode. Bipolar is often called the fun one or the better form of bipolar. I have done so much more damage in a manic than I have ever done in a depression.