Chapter 2.3

Managing to make it to my place before Jeremiah, I ran and did a quick clean. I grabbed my toys and set them out. Just in case we wanted them. I rushed to the door when it knocked. Jeremiah grinned his full wattage smile. Those lips, that smile had me thinking about how they feel all over me. Those deep chestnut eyes roam my body and his smile turns into a knowing grin. Before I knew what to do, he has grabbed the back of my neck coming in until our foreheads touch. Charged air fills the room. Our breath mingles. His eyes deepen and his face turns serious. Seeking my truth his gaze digs for something more. He licks his lips and exhales, “Serena, I am glad I have you to myself tonight. I hope tonight never ends.” Then the wave of passion was pressed upon me as his lips crashed into mine.

Tonight was all about need. I needed this. I needed this rough and scary. I needed to lose all control. My hands roams up his chiseled body, wrapped around his neck and grabbed his hair. I pulled him colored and harder and our teeth clashed. I bit the lip he lick. His finders entwined in mine and he pulled me back. The heated look focused on me gave chills. God I hoped that tonight never did end. “You will be mine,” Jeremiah growled. His hurried hands explored my body finally cupping my breasts. The shirt was removed quickly by one super horny girl. Yeah that super horny girl was me. I wanted more and more. I was famished but drowning in a sea. Wait….How will I be his? Who am I kidding? Just don’t stop!

Not ready to disappoint, Jeremiah didn’t stop. No he kept going. My body sang as he pinched a nipple or licked my neck. It was like last night was all about an intro class and tonight he decided to skip the advanced course and move straight to expert. I moaned and screamed and pleaded for more. More of what you might ask. Oh you know like everything. He pulled my hair, sucked my pussy, lavished on my breasts and fucked me in just about all my holes. I wanted more of it all. Oh and let’s not forget the toys but moving you on. This lasted until we were exhausted. Then we showered and the energy was back. We continued on. Finally we were stretched out on my king sized bed. My orange striped comforter half on us. Jeremiah’s eyes were drooping and he was off to sleep has I looked out my window at the sun coming up.

First or Third?

I realized I started writing with the intention of writing in third person. I quickly when to the comfort of the first person. Since really at this point this is something that is fun and therapeutic, I think I am going to see if I can rewrite what I have now in the third person and see what voice seems right.

What I do know is that the books I tend to gravitate to are in the third person. The last two books I couldn’t get past the second chapter we in first person. I am not really sure if it was just dry bland story telling or that it is hard for me to read first person. It might have a bit of both.

I also know that first person is easier for me to write in. I like to have a strong main character. I am loving the books that have a variety of characters or two main and we get to see the story unfold for all. This mean you have to write in third person.

So the ramblings of a hobbyist writer. I am finding this undertaking a point of growth and challenge and that I do like.

Why I am writing?

I have had a hard time writing about my experience in my journal. Writing about myself some how in my mind makes those things real forever. Writing it down makes me deal with biggest sources of shame to the forefront. Once I write it down, I must own it. Truly, I don’t think I want take stock on jet how out of control I was. I do need to sort it all up. So my mind started to weave a story for me. It is a way I can come to terms with aspects of my past in a less abrasive way. So I would think about the main character and I started to dream her. While there are some things in this story that are 100% me. There is a lot of friends and learning more about what it means to be bipolar. Also learning what manic looks like to others. So while I hope one day that a crap ton of people will find this story interesting and read it. I am hoping that writing this book will help me process my past and help me move forward with my life.

Chapter 2.2

I see the moment when blue eyes makes his choice and his mouth come crashing into mine. Yes, blue eyes, yes. Oh this is gonna be fun. My little pixie glides her tiny fingers up my stomach to my breasts. The tremble her digits create only increases my excitement. The tug on my hair by blue eyes catches my attention. The push and pull of my attention that these two are providing invigorates me. Soon we are on the bed in a tumble limbs removing clothes. I am lost in the passion and the thrill.

Once all three were satisfied, it is time to move on. Fully clothed again. Kissing the head of the pixie and blue eyes, I turn on my heels and seek out Hannah, seeing her I wave. Hannah is standing with Evan from her Business Law class. She looks so good with him. Seeing she is doing fine. Seeking more trouble she saw Jeremiah sitting on the couch.  Maybe he can become my new favorite toy. Making my way through the crowded floor.  plopping down next to Jeremiah. “Hey handsome. Any plans for the night?” Quick with a response, “I do now. Let’s get out of here.”

Pulling him up, I look at Hannah and wave her over. She is still with Evan.  “Evan can get you home right?” Yep.  I knew that I was getting that look. I really need to stop doing this to her.  She may be my last friend. Evan nodded. “Rena, this has to be the last you do this. I can’t keep doing this. Watching you do this again and again. I worry about you.” Looking at the sadness in Hannah’s eyes made her want to change. If only I could.  I reached for Jeremiah’s hand and asked, ” Your place or mine?  Did you bring your car?” He had brought his car and my place it was. Apparently, Jeremiah didn’t want to share tonight.

 

Chapter 1 complete

Slowly stirring she opens each eye in a leisurely fashion. Slowly exposing her hazel with bright green fleets. Her toned, tanned harms stretch above her head. While noticing her naked body, the weight draped across her becomes apparent. Where am I? The furnishings are sparse. Definitely a college guys place.

As the memories from the night before flood her. A voice breaks through the noise clambering through her head. “Hey there sexy lady, ” the velvety baritone voice mutters. Crap. Crap. Crap. What is his name? I can’t even blame alcohol this time. How did I manage to do this again? Yes again! Don’t judge me! I pursue the sexy man beside me. Clearly, he cares about the way he looks. The tall man beside her is chiseled. His skin is is light next to mine. Wow than man is yummy.

Realizing that there is another body in the bed. Reminder to self, always ask for names. So much less embarrassing. Finally able to speak, “This might sound silly but what are your names? I am Serena. I am pretty sure we didn’t exchange names.” A pair of piercing blue eyes and a wide smile that brings out one adorable dimple. “I am Alex and he is Jeremiah. No we didn’t exchange names Serena.” Still looking at those enchanting eyes. Yep. I know how I ended up here. His shaggy dirty blonde hair catches my attention. I lift my hand to run my finger through his lovely locks. By the look he is giving me, it is clear he isn’t sure what to make of me. Who does this?  A little unnerved by his focus.

Turning my head I take in Jeremiah. I languidly take in his body. Delicious! No no, Serena! It is always and I mean always bad to wake up with two naked men you don’t know. I didn’t remember their names. I am going to hell, I want a repeat of last night. Jeremiah is opposite from hunky Alex. Jeremiah has black adjacent hair with curls. His darker skin looks sun kissed. His eyes are the darkest brown I have ever seen. His curls fall on his forehead as he shifts his face to me. Once we meet eyes his precarious smile breaks through.

These two are a dangerous duo. My heart flutters looking in Jeremiah’s eyes. He is breathtaking. I look back to Alex,”Well fellas, I am happy to finally be properly introduced.” Well this is awkward! I have got to stop this. So what is the protocol for this? Do I do the walk of shame twice? Whatever this is, I am going with it.

Just as I am about to stumble of the bed with my feet wrapped in the sheets, strong arms wrap around me. Graceful.  I am pulled back in by the tall man that was sitting next to me by the name of Alex. I wind up facing Jeremiah and getting spooned by Alex who is now nibbling my neck. A giggle leaves my lips and chills are running down my spine in anticipation. Jeremiah has pulled in for a deep and steamy kiss and this will be round four. The memories from last night are giving me hope for the next few…we’ll however long it takes. In for a penny in for a pound. Truly if there have already been three rounds, does four really make a difference? Shame is the last thing on my mind. As I dive into a kiss that was hard and passion filled with sexy Jeremiah. Soon she was drowning in the caress of two men. What a way to start the day.

—————————————————————-

I can smell the shame on me. This always happens as I come home. Looking in the mirror not sure of who is looking back at me.  How do I always do this?  Not sure how she made every bad decision possible.  She stripped down and climbed in the shower. Like always I don’t know who the person is in the mirror. Stripped naked of the offending clothes they lay in a pile at my feet. I reach for the door to make sure it is locked. I step into the shower before I let the tears fall. Hoping that the water will wash away last

night and the early day. The tile is still cold as I brace my arm against it. I pluck my head against my arm and let the tears stream. How many times? Allowing myself to wallow for only a little.

Pulling on my jeans and hoody for the day, I bolt to the car keys in hand, picking up a granola bar and a soda along the way. The backpack is full and in the car. I have to pick up Hannah and I need to fly if we are going to make it to Econ 200 on time.

Me-Hey, on my way.

Hannah-Where did you go last night?

Me-….

Hannah-Do I even want to know?

Me-Probably not. We can talk once I pick you up for class.

“Hannah, you gotta hurry. We are gonna be late,” I bellow as she comes running to the car. “Thanks for the ride. My mom’s car gets out of the shop tomorrow.” Making our way to campus in a rush, I tell Hannah all there is to know about the Jeremiah and Alex situation. “Seriously,” she sighs, “how do you have all this energy after hardly any sleep? I’d be a wreck after four hours of sleep.” I am sure this week I have only slept 10 hours and today is Thursday.

Hannah rolls her eyes as we reach the school parking lot.  “Rena, I worry about you.  One of these days you are gonna go home with the wrong guy.  You might really get hurt. Just think about it next time. Cause if there is anything I know about you, it is that there will be a next time.” I give her the look that says I hear you.  Go I love my best friend. We walk to class and take a seat. Time to get into some Economics.  Finals are next week.

Ah, supply side shift and how it changes consumer behavior. If that doesn’t sound fun then the graph that goes with it will have you clawing your eyes. Sitting three rows back and 5 chairs in I try to pay attention. Last night no longer weighs heavy on my heart, it is giving fuel to my mind. In the front row sits Ryan. Black as night tresses fall into his eyes. The beautiful curls have me imagining my hands running through them.

I lick the curve of his tribal tattoo as I slowly make my way back to his mouth. Grabbing his hair I tug it back. Searching his emerald eyes for his permission. I dive to his lips and slowly line the luscious lips with my tongue. His lips part making way as I plunge in for a deep, hard, hurried kiss. His eyes open wide and his arms wrap around me pulling me in.

Pushing him on his back, my legs cross over him. I straddle him on the floor. Removing his grey t-shirt to gain better access to his muscled body, I rub my hands across his rippling chest. I lower myself into his neck and I smell his scent. His tanned body is calling me like a siren. So I slowly look down his chest. I reach for his belt and unfasten the clasp.

“Serena, where did you go?” Hannah implores. “Class is over, get your stuff.” I shake my head to get the vision out of my head. “I was dreaming of Ryan over there,” I state as my haze starts lifting. “Oh my god, Rena! He has a girlfriend. Also weren’t you getting yourself into enough trouble last night?” Hannah contends. I am not really sure what her point is. I mean we were all adults. Plus who cares if they have girlfriends. Smugly I state, “His girlfriend can join us. She is hot too.” The disgusted look on Hannah tells me all I need to know.

“All right, so what are we up to tonight?” I ask. “Wow, just, wow, Rena. Aren’t you tired after last night? I can’t imagine you are ready for more tonight'” she shakes her head in disbelief. ” Tonight is pre-Friday, Hans. Or as you like to call it, Thursday. I have energy to spare. I can’t sleep. I neeeeed to get out. Come on, Hans! You know it will be fun,” pressing for a yes to a night of fun. “Fine, Rena! No ditching me this time. We go together and leave together. There is a party down fraternity row. We can check it out.” Hannah gives me the I am not joking if I get left again, I might actually kill you look. I have totally seen that look. Sad to say it comes out often. I am so lucky she is my best friend.

Transitions-they can be so hard

For the week I have struggled with transitioning. I know where the story is going but not sure how to get her there. Then there are things I am figuring out that I now need to go back and fix. So I figured I would write a little about how things are progressing. We have finals and a trip ahead, how does my manic character get through it all.