Chapter 2 Third Person Rewrite

Avi

Art appreciation, it is such an easy class after a night of very little sleep.  Avi was still full of energy.  Hannah always complained that she didn’t have the energy that Avi had after a paltry three hours of sleep. Struggling to concentrate, Avi sat staring at Ryan the yummy black haired surfer sat three rows ahead front and center. It didn’t take long for Avi to lose the battle against her imagination. She couldn’t help but to get lost in his behind.

Searching his emerald eyes for permission Avi reached to grab his black hair. She loved the silky feel of his locks. She saw the agreement in his eyes and quickly went on her toes leaning in as he tilted his head forward. The kiss set Avi on fire and she delved further into the kiss. Avi looked into those green eyes and kissed his chin then licked down his neck. She gave a love bite with a moan. Grabbing his t-shirt, he removed it. Avi then got a view of all of his tribal ink. She couldn’t help herself. She used her tongue to trace the ink. He grabbed her hair roughly to bring her back to his mouth. A scorching kiss ensued.  Avi sighed into him mouth,” Ryan.”

 Avi brought her hands to his chest and pushed him back onto the bed. Quickly she straddled him. He rose up taking her shirt off as he came.  He discovered a black lace bra with abundant cleavage.  He reached behind her to release the clasp; releasing an ample supply of breast to enjoy. As soon as her breast were freed, his mouth and hands covered them.  Avi let out a moan of appreciation.  Her nipples were hard and ached. She felt her pussy gush.  Wanting him more with each breathe.  She reached to him waist band and started to undo…

 “Avi,” Hannah called. “Where did you go? Class is over.  Did you sleep through it?”

Avi shook her head. Gave a nod to Ryan, “Sometimes I have the best daydreams.  You interrupted just as it was getting really good. I hope to find out one day if he is as good in bed as I think.”

“Didn’t you get into enough trouble last night? Plus, Ryan has a girlfriend.” Hannah pointed out to Avi.  She had always been the one to keep me in check.

Avi laughed, “Oh Hans. We are all adults and she is more than welcome to join us. She is HOT and I would gladly have her on her own.” Hannah shot Avi a glare making certain Avi was fully aware of her displeasure. Avi as always wasn’t deterred. “So, did you hear about the party over at Jill’s? I want to go.  Let’s go tonight.  It is sure to be fun.  You know you want to go.”

“How are you still on your feet?  I don’t think you have slept for days.” Hannah was right, Avi hadn’t slept for days. It wasn’t the first time and likely wouldn’t be the last. She had energy enough for days. “You really need to take a night in to recoup.  You need to take care of yourself plus it is a Thursday Avi.”

“Thursday is just pre-Friday.” Avi declared as she rolled her eyes. “You just happen to be no fun. I know you hate being my babysitter.  You stay home.  I need to get this energy out.  I am definitely going out.”

The look Hannah was giving let Avi know she had won.  Avi had an intense for Hannah. Clearly, she needed to make sure she knew just how much. If Avi knew anything is that she couldn’t lose Hannah. She needed Hannah.

Getting ready to head out the girls turned up the radio and giddily danced around the bathroom.  The room was filled with laughter and chatter. Avi couldn’t remember the last time it was just the two of them having a little fun. Leave it to Hannah to press pause on the fun. “Rules for the night, Avi. One, we go together, and we leave together. Two, if you can’t follow rule one, make sure I know just where you are headed and with who. I love you, Avi.  No ditching me again.” Avi was sure that they were both aware that she wouldn’t be following rule one or rule two.  She was forever disappointing Hannah.  Avi really needed to do better with Hannah.

Demi Lovato’s Sorry Not Sorry was blaring as we walk in the door. Three blonde princesses were on the counter dancing while the boys below worshiped at their feet.  The royal family was holding court. Avi laughed as the boys showed no shame in making sure they got a good view.  There was jockeying for better position. The party was raucous. With a quick look around Avi could see that the living room was past capacity and there was barely any room in the kitchen. As Avi made her way through the crowd, she knew just where she was heading. She was going to add some brown to the trio of blonds. She had worn mini floral purple number sans the panties.  A few drunk guys helped her up on the counter while copping a feel.  Boys they never did surprise you. For Avi that just meant she knew which boys were eager to get her naked.  Avi liked knowing the quickest way to a next fix. Avi’s body was vibrating with need. Sex was the only thing on her mind.  The question really was the form in which the sex was going to happen. Once Avi was atop the counter with the three blonds, she looked out into the crowd at the red locks curling around the Hannah’s face.  We caught eyes and she mouthed,” I’m not joining you.” Then she pointed to the living room. Avi was always amused when she recognized that she hadn’t even had a drink.

Avi was sandwiched between to two blonds. The taller blond was her height.  The 5’8” tall Caribbean blue-eyed siren nestled he toned body to her back and the tiny pixie with the hair to matched and stood just over 5’ looked up to me with her emerald eyes.  In true Avi fashion, she couldn’t stop a sexual action when it came to mind. She reached down to the pixie then swooped in for a passionate kiss. The commoners below began cheering for more.  So Avi pulled the pixie closer, reached behind her and had the lady long legs and pixie swept into a kiss before they even realized it. She ran her hands down the ladies and cupped their asses in tandem.  Oh this night is going to be good.  Avi one if not both ladies will be with you and soon. Avi then kissed long legs and pixie put her hand up my dress.  No panties is my jam just for this reason. So easy to move things along.

The raucous crowd grew louder. Energy at these parties overwhelmed her senses and fueled her desires. The leggy vixen and the cute pixie and Avi danced for a few songs. She wasn’t sure you could call it dancing when it was more like dry humping.  Yeah, so done with this. Time to move from dry to actual humping. Avi grabbed the hand of her pixie and made her way off the table.  She looked up at the long-legged blond to find her shaking her head.  That was fine with Avi because she could always find another willing body. Avi felt alive as the music pulsed its way through her body. She wasn’t forgetting that surprise in the emerald eyed beauties eyes when she kissed her.  This little one was a treat she couldn’t wait to have.  She needed something more tonight.  She needed a penis.  Really any penis would do. Yep that hunky football player will do.  He towered over me at over six feet.  Avi loved seeing the small and large together. She grabbed his hand. He looked confused until Avi pointed at him and then between the blond and herself. Once he caught understanding, he guided them to a room Avi knew too well.  Yes, a fun night for all Avi thought.

The blued eyed tight end wasn’t sure what to do when we reached a quiet room towards the back of the house.  Avi looked at him and whispered, “If you want it take it.” His hotness didn’t waste a moment and took me in for a kiss while I guide my pixies hand to his cock. Avi loved the moments when the debauchery began.  She felt such euphoria. There wasn’t a feeling that she could find that compared.   Avi grabbed Mr. Big and Beautiful by the cock with one hand and took to the pixie’s mouth again. The kiss was hard and needy. Avi needed this kiss like she needed air.  Blue eyes nibbled at my neck and the pixie and I had him disrobed in no time.  Avi liked to be in charge.  She in short order had herself positioned at the head of the bed, the pixie on her knees and the hunk taking her from behind. She loved watching the large man take this little woman who was devouring her. Soon they had all come were exhausted in a pile. Quickly, Avi had recovered then kissed them both goodbye. Avi looked over her shoulder one last time as she walked out to see Mr. Blue Eyes and Pixie in what she would term one hot ass kiss. This wouldn’t be the first time she had formed a new and lasting couple.  Avi didn’t do relationships though, who needed those when you could have sex with as many people who are willing and even better if there were more than one willing at any given time.  No one needed to get tied up in love and feelings and shit. Oh my GOD, Avi thought, that just made me want more.

 Jeremiah

Jeremiah had come to this fancy shindig to look for one person and one person only, Avi! That woman left him wanting more.  While it had been fun to share, he wanted her and just her. He wasn’t sure why there was the draw to this woman. Everyone knew Aviana was never going to be caught.  Really, he knew it as well, but he couldn’t help but want to capture his butterfly. He knew that the only way to get her in his bed was to share with her with Alex. Now that he had her, he was going find a way to keep her.  As he searched the crowd, he found Evan. Evan was sitting with Avi’s best friend Hannah.  Evan had texted him earlier to know that they would be here tonight. Jeremiah’s stalker behavior was paying off tonight. Jeremiah made his way to the pair. Hmm, the pair looked cute.  Lucky Evan had been drawn to the safe friend. Jeremiah, he knew he had always been pulled to the bad girls.

 Ah, speaking of bad girls, Jeremiah sensed her entering the room. He looked up to her scanning the room. He saw a smile on Avi’s face as their eyes met. Alright, she remembers me too. Jeremiah’s awareness of Avi’s tendency to only have one night with any partners had him a bit cautious.  The smile on her face gave him hope. What was it with this girl? He knew she was hard to handle. Her deep tanned skin, curly long dark hair and those pensive inky eyes pulled at him. Avi was heading straight for him.  Excitement pulsed off his skin.

The distance between them finally breached, she up looked at him, “Jeremiah, right?” His throat tightened. He wasn’t sure if he could speak. He nodded. Avi grabbed his hand. His heartbeat accelerated. He knew taking her hand meant a trip down the rabbit’s hole, but he was holding on for dear life. Everything in him in him wanted her.

Avi stopped in front of Hannah. She spoke with her a little dropped her keys in her hand and laughed as she pulled me along. “Where Is your car? We are headed to my place.” Jeremiah pulled her to the car right down the block.  He opened the door for her. Helped her onto her seat. Then finally finding his voice, “Where are we headed, Avi?”

 

 

 

 

Chapter 3.5

Jeremiah shivers. I pullback and take in the picture. His penis is a beautiful thing. His thick shaft is a special treat. It is time to fully indulge myself. I greedily take in the tip again then slowly make my way down. Once I have him in my mouth as fully as I can take him in this car, I ya my hand to grip his base. I stroke him at the same pace. Slowly at first. The tempo get more ravenous with each passing. The hand and mouth working in tandem with pleasuring Jeremiah the sole goal. I wrap my tongue around his cock and increase the pressure. I quicken the pace and feel the pulsing that happens right before a man comes. Screaming my name, pulling off the road to regroup, Jeremiah pants and struggles to regain his control.

Musings

Being that this is my first try at a book and I am being relatively lax with production, I find that I may have probated better. I know where I am and where I am going and the stops along the way. I however, find myself struggling with the details. Like I randomly picked Malibu and that lead me to Pepperdine and then to beaches close to them. Okay maybe it wasn’t all random, I wanted to be within a long road trip to Vegas, a place with beaches and a college. Anyway, now I am researching things that would have been better done earlier. So mostly, I am saying it might be a good idea to do more outlining and research before you embark. I do live doing things the hard way.

Chapter 3.3

Jeremiah looked me over with those obsidian eyes. Clearly reading my mind, “I ran into Hannah on my way out.” That explains it. “Did you even sleep last night?” I respond quickly, “Not much. Sleep is overrated.”  I won’t tell him I got a whopping zero minutes of sleep. People always think it is weird. It is clear that he still harbors some concern.  Not sure how to get him comfortable, I start to fidget as his assessment continues.  I can fell his eyes caressing my body head to toe.  Then he smiles at me.  I take the donut and coffee he still has in his hand.  I take a large bite of my donut gazing at his body which rivals my donut in deliciousness.

“So, I was thinking we could spend the day together,” exclaims the all too hot man in front of me grabbing the back of his neck and pulling.  His clear uncertainty has me excited. Well he hasn’t been scared away yet. I recline slightly to get a better view to assess him. Jeremiah is leaning on my dresser. 

Jeremiah stands reaches his hand out and waits for me to grab it. What am I waiting for? Why do weary? Rena you know you love an adventure. Ready! Set! Go! My eyes meet his and I put my hand on his. The excitement has me near to shaking. I am always ready to go. I sure hope that I won’t be disappointed.

We reach Jeremiahs 1971 AMC Javelin. A color that can i it be called cherry red but AMC was too unoriginal to call it anything but Trans-Am red. I mean reality red or roaming red or yeah anhthungelse. How did a car this sexy end up with such a horrible color moniker. I did always have a thing for bad boys with classic pony cars. I mean if it wasn’t true before it is now. This boy is hot! I nearly trip on my tongue as I take in the boy and the car. This is going to be a brilliant day.

 

Chapter 3.2

I make it back to the house to Jeremiah but was no longer there. I search him out in the large home, I just can’t find him.  I go outside and his car is gone.  Into the shower I head.  Why would he leave? I had plans for him. Spending the day was my agenda.  Now I will spend my weekend alone.  I am sure that no one understands a demi-god. I discard my clothes in a pile on the floor as I step into the shower.  My body aches and I am feeling emotionally raw as I turn on the water.  The hot water strikes my body with the force made to take down a giant then is cascades over my body. The heat overwhelms and I take two steps back until my knees hit the cold tile and drops me to the seat.  As soon as I am out of the spray, I miss the punishment it grants me.  He left me.  He just left me.  No one stays for me. Why doesn’t anyone stay? I stand.  I reach for my abuse as I walk under the water again.  I adjust the head and I fold into the floor as a torrent of tears overtakes me.

The scalding water turns my skin bright red. My mind wonders how the one love of my life could just walk away so quickly. How could he not know that he is my one, my completion? Just like always, the ones I love leave me. Even now Han has left me in my greatest time of need. She should be here. How could she just not come home in this serious time of need? She hates you. She always has. My parents probably pay her to continue on as my friend. I can trust her. She stays around just to watch me. My parents keep her here as there lackey. She doesn’t really care if. I need to put her off my game. This is why she isn’t here. She is trying to make me look bad. She wants me to fail. My parents just want me to come home.

What was that? Is there someone in my room? I slide up the wall. I remain quite and my tears dry up. I leave the shower running. I open the door and quietly step out of the shower. Grabbing a towel I head to the closet in my enormous bathroom. I get to the door and step quickly in. There is definitely someone in my room. “Rena,” the voice below. “Rena? Are you in the shower?” I know the voice. “Jeremiah,” I question. “I went to get us some coffee and breakfast. I thought for sure I would make it back before you missed me,” he stated. His voice calm with no awareness of how sad I was without him. “I just got out of the shower. The noise scared me.” The bathroom door is opened quickly. He gives me a once over. “I really did scare you.”

In a couple quick strides, he makes his way to the shower to turn it off. He turns and heads to me. He grabs me by the back of my neck, bends to me and kisses my head and slowly dries me off. I choose my clothes and Jeremiah and his mystery leads me to my bed, sits me down and hands me a chocolate cream donut and a peppermint mocha. How does he know what I like so much? He brought me all my favorites.

Chapter 3.1

The sun rose and the light invaded. I rose with no sleep. I walked to the closet pulled out my running shoes and workout clothes. I quickly readied myself and wrote Jeremiah a note. This part of town was safe. We lived on the beach. My dad was a tech billionaire. I say we loosely. This was our beach home. My parents only came to visit a couple of times a year. They purchased this home when I got accepted into Pepperdine. I was quickly out the door and down to the beach path. I wasn’t sure just how long I was going to run but it was likely going to be a long one since it was five in the morning.

I loved when I had all this extra energy. I was never quite sure where I got it or how long it would last but I felt alive. It seemed electricity was buzzing right below the surface of my skin.  Sometimes I couldn’t help but itch. I began my run with one step in front of the other.  My pace quickened and my mind ran at the same pace. I hoped this hard pace would wear out my mind as well as my body. The harder I pushed the louder my thoughts grewLast week I ran in to Sarah, she smiled but I am sure she hates me.  I know that she is out to make Hannah leave me.  Why does is Hannah still my friend.  I always disappoint her.  I  left without her again, maybe that is that last step.  She is going to leave me my only friends.  Finals are next week. I don’t need to study.  I am so smart.  I am special.  I am made for something great.  I might be a demi-god.  The fact that I don’t have to study and always pass, clearly means that I am smarter than humans and I must be something more.  This is why Sarah is trying to tear Hans and I apart.  She is jealous. She wishes she was a demi-god.  The thoughts went on and on as I ran.  Instead of getting more quiet, they grew louder,  Why can’t I get my mind to shut up.  I just want a little peace. I can’t wait to get back to Jeremiah.  I was able to quiet my head with him.

 

 

First or Third?

I realized I started writing with the intention of writing in third person. I quickly when to the comfort of the first person. Since really at this point this is something that is fun and therapeutic, I think I am going to see if I can rewrite what I have now in the third person and see what voice seems right.

What I do know is that the books I tend to gravitate to are in the third person. The last two books I couldn’t get past the second chapter we in first person. I am not really sure if it was just dry bland story telling or that it is hard for me to read first person. It might have a bit of both.

I also know that first person is easier for me to write in. I like to have a strong main character. I am loving the books that have a variety of characters or two main and we get to see the story unfold for all. This mean you have to write in third person.

So the ramblings of a hobbyist writer. I am finding this undertaking a point of growth and challenge and that I do like.